“When the glamour wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find. . . And of course they are as a rule quite right: they did make a mistake. Only a very wise man at the end of his life could make a sound judgment concerning whom, amongst the total chances, he ought most profitably to have married! Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the ‘real soul-mate’ is the one you are actually married to.” – J.R.R. Tolkien
I spend more time wondering than knowing. I would like to think Tolkien is right. A psychic once told me that Superman and I have been together in some way or another for 27 lifetimes. Yet, I’ve often thought, “Please let us miss one another next time around. I need to be free of you once and for all.” Those thoughts are fed by the fact the same psychic who also declared that Superman and I are not soul mates. This information came early in our marriage. It’s strange how we let ourselves be marked by others. How we allow them to cloud what we believe because they touch a nerve. I don’t recall anything else about her, just what she said. At the time it completely devastated me. I had promised myself that I would be careful. I would only marry once, and it would be to the right person, like my soul mate, for a lifetime. I thought I had done that; we were blissfully in love then – just like every one else who is newly married. Then suddenly, a perfect stranger declares I am wrong. Her words zing back every time we have a hiccup or the gulf widens between us. My first thought is always, “Well, of course, I’m not happy with you. You’re not my soul mate!” But, if she is correct that he isn’t my soul mate and that we have been together for 27 lifetimes, then what the hell are we doing lifetime after lifetime? We must be terribly dense. So, soul mates or not, we are stuck with one another for another lifetime. We have another opportunity to get it right. Currently, we don’t have it right. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that we may never get it right. Is that settling? Or realism that humans are complicated beings and the longer you know them, the harder they are to deal with?
I am not sure I even believe in soul mates in human form. Superman and I have each found our soul mates not in one another but in our cats. My soul mate cat is currently on his second reincarnation with me in my lifetime. He even responds as readily to the name he had the first time around as he does to his name now. I honestly feel a spiritual connection with him, as does Superman with his cat. They are hopelessly devoted to one another. I get jealous of their relationship at times. Why doesn’t he ever look at me like he looks at her? What is she doing right that I am doing wrong? The answer is quite simple. When you only have a spiritual language in common, there is little chance of saying the wrong thing and screwing everything up. Basically, soul mates thrive on the inability to communicate the mundane and profane.