I was not a princess. Like so many little girls of my generation, we were exposed to the Disney princesses. Yet we didn’t aspire to be them. If we dressed as a princess, it was only on Halloween. My generation knows princesses are rare. In fact, there were only three when we were young. There are ten now. (Evidently, they co-opted Pocahontas, one of the few impressive female role we encountered in our history of white men class. I can’t begin to tell you how much the Disneyization of her demoralizes me.)

From the Disney princesses, my generation is clearly flawed. We are marked by the tainted belief “and they lived happily ever after.” A perspective we have to overcome in order to actually have realistic relationships that endure beyond the honeymoon phase.  Although daunting, our challenge is not nearly as insurmountable as that of the current generation being raised as princesses.

Now every little girl seems to be a princess prancing around in some sparkly outfit. Family members reinforce this belief. By and large, these girls come off as selfish monsters entitled to what they want because they are princesses. They stamp their feet and demand obeisance. But being a princess is more than an outfit and attention. In fact, it doesn’t even have anything to do with a prince. Lost in this charade are the key messages we should be teaching our daughters. Happily ever after is being a kind person with intelligence and a healthy self-esteem.

If you must uphold the Disney princesses as roll models, teach character. Cinderella works hard and doesn’t complain. Snow White accepts people without prejudice. Sleeping Beauty loves and cares for all creatures. Ariel has conviction. Belle is an avid reader. Jasmine is adventurous. Pocahontas is selfless. Mulan is brave. Tiana realizes her life-long dream job. Rapunzel is creative, intelligent and curious. So take that silly dress off your kid and teach her what is important in life. Be her role model rather than some unrealistic animated character. Teach her how to really live happily ever after.