It’s a matter of opinion. To make your viewpoint known on your car in this town, either stop at one or go for a minimum of five. I’m not sure why this mandate holds, but it does. I could delve into the numerological reasons, but that subject is entirely beyond any expertise I have. Suffice it to say, it’s an odd phenomenon.

In our hippy mountain town, the majority of opinions run the gamut of the usual subjects: peace, love, coexist, yoga, animal welfare and local food. Some choose to support their favorite indie band, who will most likely never make it big, or Tori Amos, who has a surprisingly large fan base in this tiny town. Just as the liberals are entirely predictable, so are the conservatives sporting election stickers for like-minded politicians whose ideology aligns with their own or who slather their vehicles with Biblical quotes.

Every so often the irony of one sticker is the trumper on the bumper. Recently while wending my way though the mountains, I arrived behind what I can only describe as the God’s wrath minivan condemning me to hell. Amidst the various verses plucked from the Bible, there was one particularly large sticker taking up the entire left side of the rear bumper. It read, “Attention: The party in hell has been canceled due to the fire.” Damn! Now I have to scramble to find another party at this late date.

With so many opinions, it is rare that any are witty, which is the point of a bumper sticker. You will change no one’s opinion by expressing your own. The best you can hope for is that someone with similar ideals may try to pick you up in a parking lot. If you must express your viewpoints on your vehicle, please have the courtesy to remember your readers don’t care what you care about. We just want to be amused.